Gazing into Glory

Eyes wide open. Heart beating fast. Darkness surrounded me with silence. I was wide awake.

It was 5:30 and the alarm proceeded to continue ringing. My motivation was nowhere to be found, yet somehow I managed to crawl off the top bunk without making a sound. The internal groans echoed persistently and slowly my thoughts were coming together. *sigh* Today was the day. Today was the day I took my best friend to the airport and hugged good-bye on this chilly Minnesota morning. I worked up enough energy to get (somewhat) dressed and find my keys/I.D. in the pitch black room. My half smeared makeup from the night before and greasy hair welcomed me in the mirror, but it didn’t matter. I was not ready to say goodbye to my best friend, even if it was just for 5 short days. In reality I knew it wouldn’t be 5 short days. No. It would feel like 5 horribly-long, lonely, I-don’t-know-what-to-do-with-myself days. Yes. It was one of those. I know what you’re thinking…..do you have separation issues? No, but when you do EVERYTHING with someone else, it’s a little saddening when they leave. That’s all.

I had to get over myself and my sorrow, and just be happy my best friend gets to go home to see her family. I mean for goodness sake’s that’s such an amazing blessing! But...can I be honest here? I was a little jealous. I was jealous she got to see her family and I didn’t. I was jealous she got to see her friends back home and I didn’t. I was jealous she got to leave campus and I didn’t. And as stupid as this sounds, I was jealous she got to fly in an airplane this Friday morning, because I freaking LOVE flying in planes, and I didn’t. Ok? I was jealous. I was jealous of my best friend and couldn’t make it stop.

It was 6:30. It was 6:30 in the morning and I just dropped her off at the airport. I was now stuck with what to do with myself for 5 whole days, let alone today. It was too early to go anywhere and do anything, and certainly to late to go back to bed. Once again, I was WIDE awake. So I did what any normal person would do. I found the nearest building that had the highest roof I could get on and I went there. This is not what you think…. I went to the roof and I prayed. I prayed God would comfort me. I prayed this morning could start over. I prayed I would see a miracle. And you know what happened? God gave me a miracle. He gave me a fresh start. He comforted me. He did it.

As I sat in my warm car watching the trains below me and the birds above me, I realized something. Life is not what it seems. Life isn’t about living day to day barely surviving, but instead thriving. I needed to thrive. My first step is to stop pitying myself and find the joy and wonder that surrounded me. I was so caught up in my own thoughts and feelings, that I almost missed what God was doing right before my eyes at 6:30 in the morning.

It was the sunrise. Now I know the sunrise happens everyday and it’s “normal” and blah blah blah. BUT have you ever just stopped and watched the sunrise over the horizon on a slightly foggy day in the middle of the city and enjoyed it? If you’re like most people you would probably respond with “I don’t have time” or “I need my sleep” or “There’s nothing that special about the world spinning and the sun appearing all of a sudden”. As my professor would say “That is bologna, no matter how thick you slice it!” Quite frankly, I would agree. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve made all those excuses before as well. You’re not the only one by far. In fact you’re 1 out of who knows how many millions of people. You’re the majority. I’m the majority. Most of us are the majority, but I didn’t want to be the majority anymore after this morning.

I peered over the railing and gazed in bewilderment of what I was witnessing: God’s glory shining through in such a way that it was tangible and real. He made his glory real for all his children to see. We're able to watch his glory on display, along with everyone all around the world. I mean they say it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, but why don’t we say it’s 6:30 AM somewhere as well? For goodness sake, we’re missing out on God’s works day by day because we’re “too tired”, “too busy”, or shall I even say too arrogant to realize what’s happening all around us? I’m not trying to point any fingers here, but that’s plain ridiculous!

I witnessed the colors of darkness transform into an array of magnificent shades I had never seen, simply because I had never taken the time to do so. I sat there curled in a blanket basking in the beauty before me. It was hallmark worthy. I swear all I needed was a big cup of joe with steam wavering in the air and I would have been on the front cover of the cheesiest travel magazine out there. Too bad I don’t drink coffee though.

I’m being honest here. I wish I watched the sun rise every single stinkin day if it meant that I would be this refreshed and excited for the days to come. I ‘d do it in a heartbeat. I’d watch the sunrise in the city when cars are honking in their rage. I’d watch the sunrise in the rain forest where mud sloshes below my feet and animals sing in various choirs. I’d watch the sunrise in the mountains where the mist rolls in the valleys and morning dew gathers on my tent. I’d do it all and I’d do it all right now.

The serenity and peace that was experienced by simply sitting still and watching the sky change colors before me, made me ready to take on the day with a fresh perspective. I was no longer groggy, in a sour mood, nor pitying myself, but instead thankful for the opportunities I had in front of me everyday. I was thankful for gazing into glory.